(the following is an excerpt from today's journal entry) It was a really hot, bright, sunny day today - my 9th day here in Uruguay - but the breeze in Anna Ruth's backyard, as the sun begins to set, is very refreshing. It's the perfect spot for me to be as I let the tension and tiredness of the day slide off of me. Too much chaos... too much uncertainty... too much new... too much feeling like the outsider... Add to that my sister's knee surgery and John's pacemaker replacement procedure back in Pennsylvania today and the emotional drain got the best of me. Tears spring readily to my eyes and spill onto my cheeks. Sadness is the descriptive word for the day. I stepped into Matt & Toni's life here in Montevideo in the midst of an incredibly busy season for them (list of specifics follows). And then there's me... plopped in the middle of it all... hating to need anything from anyone... yet being more needy than I like to admit in this time of transition...
I'm not a child... I've been through this kind of change numerous times before in my life... but that doesn't take away the disoriented, displaced feeling that I'm currently experiencing - it explains it but it can't make it go away. And so here I am... sitting in Anna Ruth's backyard... enjoying the quiet space and the breeze... listening to the wind chimes... and letting the emotions flow. Tomorrow will be a new day... the sun is expected to shine brightly again... my emotions might get the better of me again... but there is sure to be a refreshing breeze to be found in the backyard. Thank You, God, for backyard breezes... for quiet moments with You...
I stepped off the plane at the airport in Montevideo, Uruguay less than a week ago. The warm air and bright sunshine that greeted me were clear indicators that Pennsylvania, and all that was familiar to me there, had been left behind. The Daniels family's reception was so welcoming - they had been eagerly awaiting my arrival for many months - and the surroundings felt familiar to me since I had visited for two weeks in August 2011. Transplanting myself into a new context, language and culture will take time. I wish there was a magic button that could be pushed to take away all the newness or aspects of being foreign but there isn't one. I struggle to understand the Spanish being spoken around me and I look forward to immersing myself in language classes. I'm learning to greet people by giving one kiss in the air as our right cheeks press against each other. I'm exploring how to cook with the items I can find in the grocery store or the market. And I'm enjoying the end-of-the-summer weather here in the southern hemisphere. In the midst of all of the observing and adapting, I'm occasionally feeling very alone... I am the new kid on the block... and the foreigner, at that. People are kind and gracious but I still feel the tinge of friendships that need time to develop and activities and routines that are not yet established. While I know that God wants me here, quite some time will probably need to pass before I really feel like I belong. Although uncomfortable, it's a common human experience in the midst of change. In many ways I am alone... and that can sometimes lead to a sense of loneliness. And so I've been pondering this concept of loneliness... of being alone. And I've been taking the emotions of it to God. I've been finding a comfort in knowing that although I might feel alone, in reality I'm not. I have brothers and sisters in this place. I have the promise of friendships and meaningful relationships that will most likely develop. And I know that my God is with me. Several months ago one of Matt Daniel's friends shared a song with him that he felt was a "theme song" for the ministry I am now a part of. The title of the song is Never Alone by Matt Redman. Check it out below:
